And I poked and poked.
And it's not going to work to just poke.
So, I slept on the knowledge that to make this set piece what I want it to be, I have to cut the whole section and rewrite it from scratch. After an obligatory short period of mourning, I shall begin that process. I'll probably wait until Saturday morning to start. I need a long stretch of time, and it will help a lot if my brain is fresh rather than fresh off a long day at the day job.
So until then, I will poke at the few smaller revisions that are left, and ponder how I'm going to construct my new scene.